Happy Birthday, Issa!

Our baby girl is officially eight. She awoke Friday morning to eight glowing balloons hanging in her doorway and Daddy making bacon and beignets:

It was a good way to start a birthday. I had lunch with her at school and took in fruit and juice for the class at the end of the day. Fruit was definitely the best option with the gluten, nut, and chocolate allergies in her class.

When she got home, it was time to rock and roll--her chosen birthday theme:

Issa is at that age where gifts are getting tricky. She really wanted new dance wear, but there is no way I would attempt to guess on size or style. But...we wanted something to wrap. Enter the puzzle:

It was hysterical to watch her unwrap each piece and try to figure it all out:

Once she did, though:

We are taking her out to lunch next Saturday and then to a new dance wear store in Raleigh. There was squealing.

It almost killed me, but Issa also decided she wanted to do her own cake this year:

But I did pull off rock and roll candle. The flames matched the color of the candle:

The funniest thing about her actual birthday was her dinner. What she really wanted was to cook her own meal: egg drop soup, lettuce wraps, and edamame. The wraps came from the freezer section, but she did it all on her own and was quite thrilled. We spent the rest of the evening having a dance party and playing Uno. In case you are wondering, eight is the perfect age to learn how to dance to Cotton-Eyed Joe.

Saturday, we had her friend party. For the first time, we took the party out of our home and to our museum. Best. Idea. Ever. Issa wanted an animal party:

Hedgehog melon:

Chinchilla cupcakes:

I was pretty proud of these guys:

Zebra water:

Happy girl:

The museum was awesome! We arrived to a decorated room complete with paper products and shiny banners. All we had to do was set up the food table. We even had time for a pre-party selfie:

Which Daddy photo bombed:

As soon as all of the girls were there, our educator started:

She was thrilled that we hadn't planned anything else, so she took nearly an hour introducing us to some friends. The first and favorite was the chinchilla:

Then the silkie chicken:

And finally the bearded dragon, but we didn't get a good picture of him. She did a great job teaching and letting the girls just have fun meeting them.

Then, we dissected owl pellets:

I love that these girls had so much fun inspecting skulls and bones:

We found some pretty cool stuff, and Miss Desiree helped us figure out exactly what we had:

I love these sweet girls so much:

Issa had a great day celebrating, and she announced eight is going to be the best year yet!

Stealing Sticks

I'm tired. Really tired. And if I'm really honest I'm struggling. I usually focus on the positive here, but I also want to capture the real. Someday, I imagine the kiddos reading these, and I want them to know that sometimes the behind the scenes was really messy and sometimes I struggled. It's part of life. Life is just hard sometimes. That's okay. It's in the hard that we grow.

I have a fairly demanding job. It's not physically difficult, and while it's mentally engaging it's not overly difficult most days. It is emotionally draining, though. I have tools in my toolbox to compartmentalize and not own everything that comes into my office, but I have a point where the tools start to falter. I'm there. A lot of heavy stuff has come through my door this week, and I'm running on fumes.

Add to that emptiness the fact that life is really a series of spinning plates. Juggling work and home, house and home, ninjitsu and dance. It's a bit much some days. But, I have great support sticks that keep it going.

I have fabulous sitters, but one just hit a deer. While she is fine, her car is not, and she's out of commission for the next two weeks. Stick gone. Another stick in the form of a great friend stepped in to pick up that plate, and I kept moving.

Our primary sitter just gave us two weeks notice last night. Stick gone. I totally understand her school schedule needs to shift and that absolutely comes first, but boy was that a sucker punch. The plate is still spinning, but I'm on the quest for a new sitter.

This is crazy season for Brad and his travel is heavier than usual. Double stick gone. Plates get wobbly.

The kids' school is full of beginning of the year meetings, which means extra stuff and shuffles in the schedule, the schedule that I rely on. Stick gone. Plates still spinning, but it's a little fast and wild.

And then the stick that broke me last night: we had some fruit go funky on the kitchen counter. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it was just the last straw. I walked in the door to some serious funk, and soon found it. I don't even know how it happened so fast, but I got rid of the fruit and thought all was well. I realized late last night the funk was still there. I realized juice had leaked onto my cookbooks--two I thought. They got hit pretty hard, but I wiped them down and put them out in the garage to air out and hoped for the best. This morning, I realized 14 others got just a little hit. So...instead of eating breakfast and drinking my coffee I dealt with that.

All the plates are still spinning, and I have Faith that nothing will fall that is not supposed to. The silver lining in all of this is the kids seem blissfully unaware. My new mantra, "Unrush Me," has kept me fully present for them. We have been snuggling and reading at night. I'm getting up early enough to be ready when their alarms go off so the morning isn't rushed and frantic. I hear them laughing and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt they feel safe and loved. That's what is keeping everything spinning right now.

I'm looking at this feeling right now as an opportunity to grow. I'm leaning more on the Father who can fill me and is the only stick I truly need. I'm trusting the details to Him and knowing all will be well. I'm trying to Be Still. Honestly, though, I'm also very much praying He sends a few earthly sticks my way...

Alice

We have a new friend at our house. Her name is Alice and she is a wild dreamer with a tendency to fall down rabbit holes.

We started into Wonderland a few weeks ago, and it's the first book in a long time that has grabbed all of us. At first, I wasn't sure the kids were engaging. They were so quiet and still when I read, but as soon as I closed the book the commentary would start. They had just gotten lost in the adventure.

Last night, Alice awoke from her dream. I read the last page, and closed the book. Evan and Issa were silent. Finally, Evan whispered, "Is that the end?"

"It is."

"But I don't want to leave Wonderland," chimed Issa.

Magic. They have found the magic of getting so lost in a world that you are actually truly sad to leave.

But then it was my turn to whisper, "She can fall through a looking glass tomorrow..."

Community Weekend

Every once in a while, I am reminded that we live in a really cool area. Not only is our little community a great place to live, but we are surrounded by bigger communities that have some really cool opportunities. This was one of those weekends.

Saturday, we headed into Chapel Hill for a UNC football game. Issa had earned the tickets as an Academic All-Star last year, and we were all really excited to go. Kick-off was at 8, but we headed into town to enjoy the pre-game festivities about 5:

The bounce houses were big winners with the kids. Brad and I enjoyed watching the marching band warm up, and Evan was in heaven watching the team walk in. Issa was excited to see the cheerleaders and dance team up close, and somehow we even ended up with a Carolina Blue football and pompom on our way into the game.

Daddy sure does love his kiddos: 

It was roughly the temperature of the surface of the sun but he carried Evan so he could see better. And please note that he is in a UNC shirt. He was a little afraid it would give him hives, but he managed, and Issa was thrilled.

A family selfie before the game:

We were up pretty high, but it was a great view of the field and the big screens. And, the fireworks were right above us. Since the game was on ESPN, they had pulled out all the stops. We only made it until after the half-time show, but it was so much fun. Daddy even finally learned how to say, "Heels" when he heard, "Tar."

Sunday, we headed into Durham for the tenth anniversary celebration of the Historic Tobacco District. Really, we went to see Issa dance. A little pre-show Tiny huddle:

Several small groups performed, and then the whole Company took the stage:

Issa was a bit nervous, but she said it was just fun to dance for "real people." There wasn't a huge crowd, and  considering the Company had spent an hour learning the dance, expectations were low.

After the performance, we enjoyed some street performers, food trucks, and live bands. It was just plain fun.

This week is set to be a blur of busyness, but I'm hoping for some quiet in the storm. If nothing else, I'm grateful for such a fun weekend going into it.

Sacred Priviledge

Wednesday at work was just awful. Awful. It wasn't one thing in particular, but it was one of those days when you go home and wonder if you have made a poor career decision. Poor Brad had to pick up the pieces.

Yesterday, though, yesterday was a gift. It was hard. I was pretty emotionally empty at the end of the day. But...it also made me remember my work is a sacred privilege. I spend my days working with young adults. Young people who are learning who they are and where they fit in the world. They are deciding what they believe and how they can make this world of ours a little better. They are trying to figure out what being a grown up means. I get to be the coach and the guide. Sometimes, that means all I can do is wrap them in my arms and let them cry. Sometimes, it means I have to help them develop some tools and brush themselves off. Sometimes, like last night, I get to just sit back and watch them dream. They remind me that nothing is impossible. They remind me that one small step can have a huge impact, and they remind me that you never know until you try.

They are brave and fierce and sometimes a little naive around the edges, but it is my honor to get to be there for it all.

Poet Laureate

Issa is the official family poet laureate. Our vet hosted a poetry competition last month, and Issa was one of the two winners. The original call for entries was a poem that said Dr. Wilson would recognize the winner by arriving on tricycle, and yesterday she did not disappoint:

 Issa was so surprised and excited.

The certificate included a copy of her poem, which was written shortly after the honeymoon phase had ended with Neela:

She amuses me. As proud as I am of Issa for entering and writing, I am also just as proud of our vet. She is amazing. She loves our critters they way we do, and I'm so very grateful she is part of our team.

The Birthday Begins...

We began celebrating Issa's birthday this weekend! My family all flew in Friday for the occasion, and much fun was had by all.

After dinner out on Friday, Issa and Nana got to work on her cake:

 It was by far the most involved Issa has ever wanted to be in the decorating, and I loved watching her and my mom work on it together.

Saturday morning, we girls took Issa shopping. She wanted to check out a new line of Disney clothes, and Nana and Papa thought that taking her shopping might be a bit easier than picking clothes for her on their own. We had a blast. Issa has a quirky sense of style, but she was so fun! She's not an easy one to fit, but she never got fussed when things didn't work. We just kept trying, and we all laughed when she gave pants the jump test to see if they would stay up.

When we got home, Nana and Issa got to work on the cake again:

 Issa did about 75% of the decorating, and she was pretty thrilled with the end result:

 I believe she pronounced it: "Hello Kitty Birthday Bam!"

With the cake finished, Issa provided us with a fashion show of her finds from the morning, and the best big brother proclaimed everything, "stylish:"

 This was the favorite dress:

 Such a grown-up, sweet girl:

 Aunt Shannon and Uncle Jeff also brought some surprises, starting with Evan's new Spiderman jacket:

 He was a little excited.

So was Issa:

 The boots were awesome, but that face was for this dance outfit:

 That's a sports bra under there. She was thrilled. Aunt Shannon is also miraculous because everything fit!

Evan just couldn't wait to give Issa his gifts:

 He got her spy gear--walkie talkies and a laser alarm. The love between these two is palpable. However, they don't quite get the walkie talkies. They spent much of the weekend walking side by side and talking into them.

The rest of the evening was spent enjoying cake and being together. Sunday and Monday offered more of the same. Playing Uno, playing outside, building Legos, face painting, and doing art projects:

 Crayon art is always a favorite:

In so many ways, it wasn't an extraordinary weekend. We didn't run around all over the place. We didn't eat anything extravagant. But it was exactly what Issa wanted--time with her family--time to just be. I will be forever grateful that they made that possible...

Last Summer Adventure

With all of the excitement this week, I didn't get to post about our excitement last weekend. 

We have always tried to do one last hurrah before school starts--just a day trip to celebrate the end of summer. Unfortunately, the weather was not feeling very cooperative. Fortunately, one of Issa's former teachers turned us on to the Greensboro Science Center. It's part science center, part aquarium, and part zoo, and as it turns out, their feature exhibit right just happens to be pirates right now. My people love pirates. So...off we went.

Per usual, I took the camera with grand intentions. I took so few. We started in the pirate exhibit, and we were all terribly entertained by the hurricane tube:

You experience Hurricane 1 winds. Thankfully, there are no pictures of me as I didn't think this through and spent my time in the tube holding my skirt down.

The boys loved sailing the virtual pirate ship through a storm:

But the highlight was this robotic arm. Most of the exhibit features real treasure and pieces of an actual pirate ship. They also have the underwater robot that recovered these treasures from far deeper than people can dive. And...we got to try picking up a coin with the actual arm that they used:

It's way more difficult than it looks.

After a brief tour of the bodies exhibit (from which I am almost recovered), we headed out to the zoo. Of course I didn't take any pictures of the tortoises, tigers, or various primates that we watched play and explore. But I did get pictures of the kids and goats...which we see every weekend at the farm:

The kids still find these kinds of pictures and statues hysterical:

My fierce pirates:

We ended our tour at the aquarium, where we watched otters and penguins play, sharks hunt, and rays glide. And...we got to pet many, many rays. It was the highlight for the kids.

We will definitely be going back to explore the rest of the museum soon! Maybe I'll be a bit better photographer...probably not.

Snuggles and Introverts

My sweet, sweet baby boy...

You are loving kindergarten--every single minute. Your teachers have complimented your kindness and your listening. You talk for an hour straight when you get off the bus. I love that. But I knew last night was coming.

Bless your heart. You hit a wall of exhaustion. Here's a little secret, sweet boy: we are introverts. Interacting with people saps us. We love people. We bond deeply. But...we also need to recharge our souls. We need space and solitude. After these busy days of meeting new people and doing new things, your little battery was just empty. You were out of cope, and all you wanted was snuggles. All you needed was your bed.

So, at 7:30, a half an hour before bedtime, I took you up to your bed, and I laid down with you for snuggles. You cried big alligator tears about how you were not tired and all your wanted was snuggles. I mentioned we were snuggling and you said, "I know but all I want is snuggles." You were empty.

For the first time, baby boy, I realized your arms around me were heavy. No longer little tiny arms I barely felt. You are so big. A few tears ran down my cheek, too, because I love you so very, very much, and I know there will come a day when snuggles is the last thing you will ask for. You are growing up so quickly, and I'm beginning to see glimpses of the man you will become.

Within five minutes, your little eyes grew heavy and you drifted off to sleep. You woke up recharged and anxious to go to kindergarten. Soon, your battery won't empty so fast. But if it does, know I am and will always be here.

Love forever and always,

Your Mama

Secret Lunch Date

Because kindergarten does a staggered entry, little man didn't have school yesterday. He was pitiful when we dropped Issa off. He wanted to stay so badly, but he held it together and almost sounded like he meant it when he told her to have fun at school.

We went back home, and I got some work finished and mowed the grass while he very happily built train tracks and Lego creations. He played outside and threw the ball with the dogs. In short, he was angelic and let me accomplish a few things all morning. So, he and I blew off my to do list for the afternoon. Nothing says date afternoon with Mom like lunch at the McD's PlayPlace:

He had the place to himself and was in heaven. I did swear him to secrecy because Issa would be so upset she didn't get to go. She is old enough that, "But you got to go to school," wouldn't fly.

After he had climbed all he could climb, we went birthday shopping for Issa. At the one hour mark I really thought my head might explode, but he finally made an incredibly thoughtful choice with just enough time left to get home and get it wrapped before Issa got home.

He really is the funniest kid, and I am so grateful we got a little extra time together. This morning, he couldn't get in his classroom fast enough, and I can't wait to hear all about his adventures this afternoon.

Perfection

Well, I tried:

I never claimed that this was a photography blog, but I did attempt to get a picture of the kids getting off the bus.

I believe yesterday could be summarized as perfection!

Evan came off the bus talking and I don't think he stopped until 5:00. He loved kindergarten. I love his teacher. She sends home a weekly sheet that we fill out daily. She tells us what kind of day he had, what the theme was, and gives us a question to ask to start a conversation about his day--no more pulling teeth when he did "nothin'" at school! Yesterday, he got to go around the school searching for Corduroy's lost button, and they read The Kissing Hand. And...he brought home his first day of kindergarten handprint. So sweet.

Issa woke up this morning and asked if it was the first day of school. I told her it was her second, and she said, "Oh, good! I thought yesterday was a dream!" Perfection. She loves her teacher, and I love that she already feels a sense of community in her classroom. They did a lot of team building yesterday, and they learned how to write on their desks with Expo marker. Life doesn't get any better. And...she got her first agenda. In case you were wondering, she is very grown up.

I truly believe we are in for a wonderful year!

And They're Off!

We are off for the first day of school in the outfits they chose themselves--right down to the shoes!

 Issa is so excited about third grade:

 With her purple zebra backpack:

 She is really hoping they do a lot with history this year, and she's most excited about writing on her desk with an Expo marker. It's the little things with her.

Evan could hardly wait for kindergarten with his Batman backpack:

 This may be my favorite picture of our little man ever:

He is so excited about all things kindergarten--especially the math center that has all manner of blocks in it.

We had strict instructions from Issa about how drop-off was to roll. Walk her in, give her one hug, and go. She could totally handle all of her supplies and was anxious to just get to it. She was the first one in the room, which suited her just fine, and as we left I heard her chatting to her teacher about her pencil box. All was well.

Evan didn't have a plan, but we walked in, he put his bag in his cubby, and he told us we could go. Thirty seconds in the room. As I looked back over my shoulder, he was settling in at his desk to color looking very big. I didn't cry until we were out of the building, and even then it was just a tear. I don't even really know why. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt he will be safe and loved and will learn so much this year. I know he is confident and ready for this new adventure. I think he's just so very big it makes my heart hurt a little.

Now...I wait for the bus and the stories!

Cave Dwellers

The kids have been coming in to work with me this week. I love that I work in a place where I can do that. I tend to feel a bit frazzled trying to be Dr. Bower and Mom at the same time, but they really do well. As the week progressed, more and more stuff needed to come in with them. Yesterday, this happened:

My big conference table in under there, and they had a perfect cave. They stayed there all day. It was brilliant. At a couple points, a couple of my students even joined them. Issa made origami frogs for my class, and one of my students made her a swan. In short, it was a perfect day for them.

I loved having them there, and it is going to be too quiet next week. I love hearing them giggle or run in to show me something. I won't miss feeling pulled in two directions, but I will miss them.

The other hidden bonus: I think having them around really helped my freshmen. Many of them left little siblings or babysitting jobs, and many of them said it was nice to have some kids to talk to. I even heard a couple talking to Evan and Issa about missing home. Kids and puppies: very non-threatening. This may need to be a tradition.

Ninja Update

Our ninja had a big week:

He earned not only his second stripe but also his belt tying patch! He has been working so hard to learn how to tie his belt on his own, and he was able to show it at the dojo and earn his patch. He has a unique way of doing it, but it works! I have a feeling that may be the story of our lives.

Coolest Kids Ever

I am a big believer in going back to school with clean rooms and organized spaces. I guess it's just the fresh start of it all. So, this week has been declared clean it up week. The kids' rooms looked like a hurricane blew through, and the playroom has one too many projects going. It's time.

Last night, I sent them upstairs to clean, which is a new found freedom for them. They are learning how to put things where they make sense to them, and I'm learning how to let go. It's a happier cleaning experience for them, and it's a growth opportunity for me. One the way up, I told them I wanted to see "significant progress" in their rooms before bath.

When I went up to check, some cleaning had happened, but not as much as I had hoped. Then I was informed they had been rehearsing a play entitled, "Significant Progress" and were ready to stage it in their rooms. I couldn't help but laugh and then settle in for the show.

In the play, Old MacDonald becomes disenchanted with the farm and sets out to find a life where he doesn't have to work so hard and can just buy groceries at the store. He says goodbye to the cow and heads off to Hawaii. At first, he enjoys the beach and sun, but he quickly becomes bored and decides the food doesn't taste very good. Having nothing to do, he launches into a song entitled, "I'm So Lost." At the end of the song, he decides to move back to the farm and realizes he is happiest working and food tastes a lot better when it's local. His faithful cow is there to greet him and they all live happily ever after. The end.

I was fairly impressed. Apparently all our conversations about local produce and work on the farm is hitting home. Their rooms are still a disaster, but I wouldn't trade that moment for anything. I sure do love these kiddos.

He's Five...

..and he is never wrong. The forecast is for mid-90s. Evan is wearing a sweat suit into my office. Zipped. He does have a t-shirt underneath, but there was no convincing him that he might be warm. Since we will be inside all day, I finally opted to let everyone ask why is wearing a sweat suit and hope, perhaps, that he figures out he's a weirdo.

It Finally Happened

So...one week from today Evan starts kindergarten. About now, I will be snapping a few pictures and bundling kiddos in the van. And I have been fine. Really, truly fine. Nary a tear was shed at registration or school shopping.

But it hit me yesterday.

We were having a totally benign conversation about our schedule over the next few weeks, and I just mentioned, "And when the two of you get off the bus the first Friday of school Nana and Papa will be waiting."

Cue the ugly cry. My baby will be getting of the bus with his big sister. Because he will be in kindergarten. How did this happen? Let the adventures begin...

Girl Friends

Last night, I went out for dinner with four other dance moms. Our little tribe has divided between two Companys this year, but we are still a pretty tight group. I can't remember the last time I've laughed so hard in the midst of truly honest conversations. These are women who know me--really know me--and I know them. We have laughed and cried together and occasionally told each other to get it together. These are the women that I know will pick up the phone, return a text, or just show up. They're a safety net and a push when I need it. We may be so very different in so many ways, but at the core we love fiercely and have a low threshold for drama.

As I raise a daughter, I am so grateful to have other strong women in my life, women who are generous and kind and brave. They're role models for her and for me, and I can't imagine doing this life without them.

To Issa: On Leadership

Sweet girl, every once in a while in my life as mother, what is in my heart actually manages to come out of my mouth. For a brief shining moment, I feel like I was given the perfect words in a perfect moment to impart a tiny piece of wisdom you truly hear. Last night, we had one of those moments. You had finished your first night of boot camp, and in a quiet moment in the kitchen you and I could talk about leadership. Just in case you forget someday, I wanted to capture it here.

To my leader...

This year, you are the oldest veteran in the Tinys. Tonight, I watched the other Tinys look to you. Your teacher asked you to come to the front to help lead stretches, and I watched you quietly shepherd your team to the next class. Baby, that's called leadership.

There are two kinds of leaders. Some leaders stand in front and shout and boss. They have a commanding presence for a while, but eventually they will find themselves shouting to an empty room.

The other kind of leader, the one I pray you are becoming, is the quite leader. They don't shout or boss. More often, they work a little harder than everyone else. They ask questions. They coach when people ask--either with words or by coming close. They do the right thing. Sometimes, it can be lonely. But here's the thing, people find those leaders. And soon they are doing the right thing, too. They follow because they want to be part of what they see.

Baby, that's what I want you to do this year. You just do the right thing. You encourage your teammates. You work hard and stay focused on your goals. You are a leader; the other girls look to you. I saw it tonight, and I can see in your eyes it's a little bit scary, and I won't lie, it's often really hard. But guess what, I'll be right there beside you, and your team will be right there beside you, too. Just keep doing the next right thing...at the studio and in your life.

I was so proud of you tonight--so proud--and I always will be.

Love you forever and always,

Your Mama

Date Night

We had a great weekend, but the highlight was absolutely date night Saturday night. Brad and I hadn't gone out in about forever, and we had a whole French themed evening.

We went to dinner at Vin Rouge, which was a new find for us. We sipped red wine over a duck confit frisee salad and a trifellette that was said to be for two but was really for an army. They were both so decadent and lovely, and it was made even lovelier by eating on the patio listening to the rain. From there, we went to see "A Journey of 100 Steps," which I loved and Brad declared awful. It was admittedly predictable, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Even more than the fabulous food and a movie, it was great just to have time together. We talked about all manner of things, laughed, and got caught in a rainstorm that left us both soaked on the way home. It was lovely--even lovelier because this is a crazy week. It's campus kick-off week for me and Boot Camp for Issa. Thankfully, Brad was able to be home all week or I don't think we would have made it. I have a feeling I'll be thinking back to Saturday all week and wishing for duck confit and a quiet moment with my husband...

His Heart

I've heard it said that if you truly want to know the character of a man watch how he treats animals and small children:

This man's heart and character...well...I think you can see. The poor guy just wanted a little nap yesterday, and Neela would have none of it. Instead of pushing her away or getting upset, he snuggled. She licked his face and he laughed. I think I'll keep him...and her even if she is going to be a pony.

Chauffeur

In a bizarre twist of fate, I woke up this morning with a twinge of vertigo. It's been forever, and I was fairly certain I could function, but the best husband ever offered to be my chauffeur. We took the kids to camp, and then he dropped me off at the office. I'll work here, and then he'll pick me up and we'll reverse the process. I am so grateful for a man that shifts his day on a dime to take care of me.

Taxi

The goods news is the kids loved, loved, loved camp. I knew Issa would, but to hear Evan talk about it was hysterical. The details are so fuzzy, but I know he had a blast and learned about spiders and Spiderman.

I love that my kids have the experience of summer camp--I really do. But this week is so draining for me. I feel like all I do is drive. Yesterday, I drove the kids 20 minutes to camp, 30 minutes on to my office, crammed in some work, drove 30 minutes back to camp, 20 minutes home, was there for an hour, drove 20 minutes to ninjitsu, was there for 30 minutes, and then drove 20 minutes home. That is a grand total of 140 minutes in the dang car. I'm trying to find the joy in listening to their chatter and the quiet time when I am alone, but it's so hard...and the thought of the rest of the week is just soul crushing. Just keeping it real. I'm hoping that if I say it out loud here I can move past it, refocus. I can do this...

Our Superheroes!

Another milestone this morning. Evan set off for his first week of summer camp. Issa is a pro at camp at our museum, and she was the best big sister ever. While they are in different classrooms, they are both at Superhero camp this week, and they will be exploring similar things. Evan was a bit nervous, but Issa talked him through the days. This morning, they set off with matching camp shirts and packed lunches.

We dropped Issa off first, and Evan had a death grip on my hand. We walked to his classroom, and I was thrilled to see one of Issa's past camp teachers in his room. It did this mama's heart good. She had a bin waiting with his name on it for his backpack and lunch, and he bravely introduced himself and stashed his gear. I got one big hug, our handshake, and he was off to play. He didn't even look back, and when I peaked through the window he was happily settled in for camp. And I want major mom points for not crying when I got to the car. I'm sure our little superheroes are destined for a fabulous week.

The Big Kid

In my eyes, Issa is still my little girl, my baby girl. But there are moments when I realize she is not so little any more, and they always take my breath away.

This week, I have watched her be the cool big kid across the street. Parker has been coming over to play with Evan, and Issa has invited Lauren to come, too. Lauren is three and is pretty sure Issa walks on water. I have watched Issa be the cool big kid who gives her lip gloss and does her hair. I have watched her play whatever Lauren wanted to play knowing full well it wouldn't be her choice. When I realized she was so big, though, was when Lauren tripped and I saw Issa simply scoop her up and make it better. I took two steps and then realized I wasn't needed. My baby had scooped a toddler with ease and was making it all better.

I have been so grateful to be able to watch the interaction this week, to see Issa's giant heart and Lauren's adoring eyes. If I'm truly honest, I'm struggling more with Issa going to third grade than with Evan going to kindergarten. She's just growing up so fast, and I'm trying to drink in every moment.

Being Intentional

"Quality of life...it's what we all are working on, right? Every day...although we call it being intentional."

~Kelle Hampton

I have this excerpt from one of my favorite blogs written on our refrigerator. I read it many, many times a day, and it is a good reminder that life doesn't just happen. There are always choices. Always new beginnings. It's all just a matter of the tiny choices. The small steps. The almost unnoticeable moments when the tone is set and the dominoes start to fall.

One of the gifts of this blog is that it has made me more mindful. It has helped make more tiny choices and whispered prayers. The short, two words prayers that are more about shifting my heart and perspective a million times a day.

This week, my focus has been Unrush Me. It hasn't always been easy. When the kids are taking twenty million years to get dressed, it's hard. The rewards, however, have been huge. I made the choice to make the kids pancakes yesterday morning. They asked, and I wanted to say no because of the to do list twelve miles long. But I said yes, and I saw their eyes light up. It's not about the breakfast. It's about them knowing that they trump the to do list. And I still made it through the whole list yesterday. I've found that when I slow down and am really intentional about each choice, time seems to go a little slower. The frenetic energy, apparently, was a major time sink. Who would have thought?

I'm still a work in progress. Unrush Me will stay written on my board for a long while. But I am have been so blessed by the answered prayer this week, and we are all the better for it.

Little Farmers

Last night, we went to the our little farm. With our crazy July schedule, this was the first time we've been there this month, and I didn't realize how much we all missed in until we were there.

Apparently, July was crazy for everyone. Ours was fun crazy--the farm not so much. Our pony, Lady, died of old age a couple of weeks ago. No one saw it coming, although we probably should have considering she was 30. The other really bad news is someone stole the chickens. Only 6 are left from the nearly 40 we had. They even took the whole kennel of chicks we had been raising. It was not happy news for the kiddos. But...they still found 3 eggs from the six that are left.

Once we were all caught up on the happenings, we set to work. I was paired with another woman to work on our pollinator garden. It's so important for the farm, but it was looking pretty rough. The farm manager wants to put new pathways in so we can get rid of the grass pathways, which will hopefully cut down on some of the weeding and beautify the garden. So...we spent the entire evening tearing out grass, laying brick, and then putting composted soil in between the bricks. The plan is to plant fuzzy, wandering thyme in between the bricks. It should be beautiful, cut down on weeds, and provide plenty of thyme for everyone. I wish I had taken before and after pictures, and I might next time I go (at least the after). We didn't finish the whole thing, but the main path is finished!

Meanwhile, the kids went off with Miss Erika and Miss Sandy to work on the orchard. We are working to establish a guild garden there, filled with plants that will help each other and bear the most fruit possible. The trees are established, so last month we spent hours taking down the cages and clearing the grass from near the base of every tree. If I never see chicken wire again it will be too soon. Last night, though, the kids got to help with the fun part. They planted flower bulbs and strawberries around the bases of the trees. Every once in a while, I would look across the garden and see them digging or watering. They were always busy, though, and I didn't hear a peep from them. They also harvested all the beans and lettuce.

As we were filling our basket with okra (I'm attempting gumbo this weekend), beans, potatoes, onions, garlic, lettuce, cucumbers, and eggs, they told me all about the work they had done. They were so excited to see some of what they planted being harvested. As they ran off to tell the animals goodbye, Sandy told me that they really have gotten to be good little farmers. She said they were truly helpful and did most of the planting themselves with her just supervising. My heart sang.

When we joined the farm, we hoped the kids would come to appreciate where their food comes from. We hoped that they would learn to appreciate hard work and delayed reward, and we hoped they would love just being outside in the dirt. It seems that they truly have embraced all of those hopes, and I couldn't be more thrilled.

Unrush Me...

Unrush me.

That is my prayer and my focus this week. Although summer should be a lot less stressful and hectic, I always find the opposite to be true. I think it's the lack of consistent schedule. Each week is a little different based on camps and everything else, and I tend to set too many goals for things I will accomplish in the summers. Too often, I find myself just trying to get through the day, and that's not how I want to live my life.

I also know I set the tone for our home. If I'm frantic and grumpy, so is everyone else. I want to exude joy--not grumpiness. It's a choice. All of life is just a series of choices. So...I'm choosing joy. One choice at a time. At least I'm trying.

I saw a necklace through my devotion site that is beautiful, and in tiny font it reads, "Unrush Me." As much as I would love the physical reminder, I'm also very content with the sentiment and grateful that it came into my life at the perfect time. I have written it in the corner of my white board as a reminder, and today I am choosing to slow down, focus on one thing at a time, and choose joy.

School Here We Come!!!

Well...it wasn't really my original plan, but we are all ready for school! Evan found out who his teacher is last Wednesday, and with that information he was ready to get his school supplies. Issa is still waiting to hear, so the plan was to just go get Evan's backpack and lunch box Friday on our way home from Issa's last day of math camp.

Our plan was to start with lunch at the mall, but Issa noticed that Children's Place was having a big sale and thought maybe we should get the first day of school outfits. So we did. It was the first time I have ever actually taken Evan shopping, and I was shocked what he chose. I'm sworn to secrecy, but he is going to be the most adorable kindergartener. Issa's outfit is just Issa--that's all I can say about that.

After lunch, we went to get the backpack, and I laughed so hard the whole time. There is nothing like taking my two totally different children into a store and watching. Issa ended up getting her backpack and lunchbox, too, and they are just so them. I think we tried on every style in the store, and they couldn't be more different. Again, though, I am sworn to secrecy!

With all of that accomplished, Issa decided we should just finish the shopping. Who am I to argue? We aren't fans of crowds, and we had the school aisles to ourselves. The lists are checked off, and everything is all packed and ready to go! We start school on August 25, but there will be no frantic shopping around here. I am one happy mama....

Evan's Year in Review

The website I have always used to create the kiddo's year in review slide shows is no longer. Insert very emotional mama here. I've spent way too much time investigating other options, and finally finished Evan's montage last night, although I now have to wait for the dvd to arrive to share it. Creating the montage always brings such intense memories of the year and everything not captured in the images. And so, as always, my letter to Evan...

Oh, Little Man,

This has been quite the year. Although you will always be my baby, there is no baby left in you. You have entered the world of little boy at warp speed and with great gusto. Some things remain so familiar. You are still always on the move. I have pried you off of more perches, told you to get down off of more things, and said, "walking feet" more often than I ever imagined. You are my fearless adventurer, and I am so grateful my more grounded eyes get to see the world through yours.

You are also still always building something. Legos have become your very favorite toy, and I love that you no longer look at the directions. You just build--usually some kind of weaponry. I'm still adjusting to that one, but I know it is just a part of you.

Even though you are a weapons expert (and I mean that--we have checked out the entire military section of the library this year), you have the biggest heart. You give the best hugs, and you are so aware when other people are sad. You love to help me, especially in the kitchen, and sometimes I can really see you being a chef. You love making people happy, but you have enough of an edge to make it in that world.

You insist you are going to be a super hero some days, though. You love the Red Ranger and Captain America, and I love that you are ready to save the world. Other days, you insist you are going to build medical devices like Daddy. Buddy, he is one hell of a role model. Watch him. Learn all you can. I see so much of him in you, and I am so grateful for the relationship you have with him.

This has also been the year when you searched for your thing. We tried soccer--a dismal failure. Baseball--not your thing. Basketball--great except for games. You have now found ninjitsu, and you are in love. Little ninja, I love that you have this talent. I love that you have an outlet for some of that energy. More importantly, you are learning lessons that will serve you well. Ninjitsu is the way of the heart and sword. In Japanese, that combination stands for endurance and determination. That is you. You can have laser focus, which will serve you well. I don't know where your path with lead, but I know you will go boldly, and I can't wait to watch who you will become.

More than anything, though, right now I see your Granddaddy in you. You were named for him, and although we couldn't have known it at the time, there is no more appropriate name. As I reread the stories he has passed down to us, I see the ornery little boy you are now. The one who would rather be outside exploring than doing his chores. I see the stubborn streak I know so well. You have the same steel in your eye that he gets when the conversation is over. Lord help me. I see his razor sharp wit and the ability to love fiercely. You have his moral compass, his love of adventure, and his strength. I see it already. Baby boy, it's everything I wish for you.

Some days, as you are entering this new stage, these traits I love drive me to distraction. The battle of wills have been epic. But know, at your very core, that I love you with every fiber of my being. I will be behind you whatever path you walk, and you have two great men walking before you. Study them. Learn from them. Then walk your own path, little man. You are off to take on the world...

All my love forever and always,

Your Mama

Office Distractions

Yesterday, I walked across the hall to talk to someone and came back to find this:

 There is nothing that stops any productivity quite like a small boy dancing on your desk.

Issa is in Math CAMMP this week, so Evan has been hanging out with me in my office. They are both pretty sure they have the better deal. Issa is having a blast doing math with 45 other girls. Evan is enjoying playing in my office and hanging out with me. He loves doing his workbooks while I do my paperwork, and he plays his Nabii while I work on my computer. Throw in a few Kinexx in the office and it's his idea of paradise.

Oh the cuteness. I have no idea how I am going to work without him next week. 

First Stripe!

Our little ninja earned his first stripe last night:

He was so excited! Ninjas earn stripes for focus, listening, and learning skills. Once he has three stripes, he will work towards the next belt. He couldn't have been more proud, and when Nana congratulated him, his response was, "Thank you. I had to work very hard for it." And that is why I love ninjitsu...and my little ninja.

First Love

When we brought home Neela, we were a little concerned Viv would become second fiddle. She doesn't play as much, and let's face it: puppies are way funnier than dogs. Suffice it to say, we needn't worry:

Viv is still very much Evan's first love--so much so that he actually asked me to take a picture of the two of them. There really is something about a boy and his dog.

Home...

After a wonderfully exhausting week away at a conference, I came back home Friday night. I was able to get on an earlier flight home, which meant I was able to go out to dinner with my people. I missed my people. 

Saturday, we spent the day settling back in and running errands, but Sunday the kiddos and I headed out to see "How I Became a Pirate:"

The musical was based on one of their favorite children's books, and it was a perfect show. A great time was had by all, and now we are settling back into routines, and I'm back to work. Just as it should be...