To Remember...

I usually don't post about work, and I can't believe I'm doing it two days in a row, but I had one of those surreal experiences yesterday, and I want to capture the feeling in case I ever have doctoral students (which is not in my plan, but I have learned better than to say never gonna happen).

I was asked by a colleague to put together a conference presentation proposal based on my dissertation. The presentation would be a summary of my study and then an extension into the implications for pre-service teachers and those of us who teach them.

I sat at my computer--dumbfounded. It's not that I don't know the material. It's not that I haven't thought about these extensions; it's what I hope to be my next line of research. But...the idea of condensing three years of my life's work and one hundred odd pages plus the extension into a three page proposal was daunting. As if that wasn't enough, there was no one to grant permission, dub it worthy of submission. Throughout the entire doctoral process, there is always someone to sign off, someone to critique before anything heads out the door. It's how I learned, but it was also a safety net. A voice stating, "It's good enough; you're good enough."

Suddenly, they threw a few letters after my name and kicked me out the door. There is no voice to deem it worthy. I'm supposed to just know. It's a little overwhelming, a little humbling, and a little empowering...but mostly overwhelming at the moment. It's one of those little things that a doctoral program doesn't really prepare you for--but it should.

It was actually a wonderful reminder. Next fall, I will be working with student teachers, and my experience yesterday reminded me of those early days as a teacher, when they hand you some books, a classroom, and some students and say, "Go forth and teach." It's a little overwhelming, a little terrifying, and a littler thrilling...but mostly overwhelming. I want to try to prepare them for that moment...and it's good to remember what it feels like to be a little overwhelmed and a little thrilled all at the same time.