Projects

All is well with my soul.

 

Issa is still loving first grade. Evan is transitioning to the big boy classroom beautifully. I have been tackling random projects all week. I am blissed out. For instance...

 

Issa loved this dress:

 Two years ago, she wore it as a drop waisted, long sleeve dress. Last year, she wore it as a regular waisted three quarter sleeve dress. This year, she could not wear it with even a modicum of decency. There were tears. Oh, the tears. Big alligator my life is over tears. So...

 I made it into a pillow. She came home from school and literally squealed. It was wonderful.

And this shirt:

 It was her favorite, but the huge tomato sauce stain was ugly. So...

I made a doll. More squealing. (Ignore the funky face; it's a horrible picture.)

Both of these projects have been living in my laundry room for months, along with piles of mending and other little projects. I had delusions of doing them with Issa this summer. That didn't happen. I did them all this week, and my laundry room is clean, and the angels are singing.

This is hard to write, but it's true. Maybe someone else will relate; maybe Issa will read this someday and understand...find some whispered permission. Maybe someone else will. I just feel compelled to write it today:

I am a better mom when my kids are not with me all day.

There. I said it. I miss them like crazy, but I am more present, more fun, when we all get a little space. I need to work. I need the intellectual stimulation, and I need to feel like I'm giving back to a field I love. I also need space to be creative and just check things off the never-ending to do list. When I can do that, I can make thank you cards and airplanes before dinner without feeling the need to juggle. I can read the same book for the millionth time without making every word sound like a curse through gritted teeth. I feel calmer and more centered. It is my reality.

Some days, I feel so guilty feeling this way. But as I was laughing with my kids last night in a clean house with empty laundry baskets and all my paperwork caught up for the registrar (because miracles happen, folks), I realized this is what works for us. And it really works. And I am happy.