Issa's Year in Review

At long last, I finished Issa's Year in Review. As always, I was struck by how much she has grown and changed in just one year. She still looks like a little girl in the pumpkin patch, but by the end I am seeing more of the big girl she is becoming. And so...my mother's year in review for my girl...


My dearest Issa-bug,

You are seven. Seven. I really don't know how that happened. It seems like yesterday I was holding you in my arms for the first time, amazed that I was your mama. Now, you are becoming a big girl, a real big girl, complete with opinions and questions and moments when I just stand in awe of you. There are also moments when I see the teen years before us and I get very, very nervous, but I need you to know that even in the moments when you know I am beyond frustrated, I love you with every fiber of my being, and I always, always will. No matter what. Period. End of story.

As I was looking through pictures, as always, there were memories tucked between the images, moments that just can't be captured. The one thing pictures do capture is your need to dress the part. Your sense of style is something else, kiddo. You know what you like, and that is the end of that conversation. You also know just the right thing to wear for every occasion, like wearing animal prints to everyone of Evan's soccer games since he was a Zebra.

You also went to every one of Evan's soccer games because you truly are the best sister ever. You are (generally) so patient with your little brother. I love watching the two of you curl up so you can read to him, and I have been very amused as you have created homework for him so he can start to practice his letters. You are his mother hen, watching out for him and shepherding him where you think he needs to be. Sometimes this makes him a little crazy, but then I watch the two of you in crowded places--museums, parks--and he gravitates to you. You make him feel safe and loved, just like you do for so many, many people. I pray you two always stay so close.

First grade was a really fun year with you! I watched you become a reader and a writer and a scientist and a maggot in the school play. The last one threw me, but you really were the funniest maggot that ever lived.You did your first science project, and I loved watching you and Daddy (you are still very much his girl) design and complete your experiment on those potatoes. I did not enjoy them living on my counter for six months, but I have a feeling that this is only the beginning. You are intensely curious, and now that you can read books or ask The Google or experiment to see what happens, I am learning so much with you. You help me see the wonder in the world, and you remind me that when we stop imagining we stop living. Never stop wondering, baby girl.

This year at dance started the beginning of a whole different kind of adventure. You were invited to join the Company, and you jumped in with both feet. I thought you danced everywhere before, but I had no idea what dancing everywhere really looks like. You are in constant motion, and if you aren't dancing you are stretching. To be honest, if I trip over a leg because you are practicing your split while doing something in the family room one more time, I might lose my mind. But...I am so inspired by your dedication and your passion. Saying yes to dance has meant saying no to some other things, but you have never wavered. You have also had to work much harder at the studio, but you have not once given up. You practice harder, and I see that look of focus in your eyes. No matter what you choose to do, that passion and that focus will serve you well--and the ability to strike a pose at any given moment never hurts, either.

The one thing I have been most thrilled by, though, is your heart, sweetheart. Even as you explore the world and follow your passions, you have never lost sight of people first. Your ability to give and to empathize and love without condition gives me hope for the future. I have watched you and your friends rally around a peer who was hurting. I have seen you cry for a friend, and although I hate to see your heart broken I am so very, very glad it has the ability to feel that much. You and I share that tender heart, sweet girl, and although there are days I want to shelter it from the world and heartache, I never want you to lose it. It's a fine line we walk. If we let ourselves feel too much, you and I can get swallowed up in it. But...if we stop listening to it, we stop feeling for others. The trick, and I am so very glad you are learning this now, is to not stop at the feeling. The trick is to be brave and kind enough to do something with the feelings. To follow your heart and to just be with people. Not for them--with them. You are learning sometimes people just need someone to stand beside them and with them. The beauty of it is that when you are that person, you find kindred spirits, and they stand with and beside you.

Baby girl, you are not a baby anymore. You are becoming more and more grown up with every passing day, and just when I think I can't love you more or be any more proud of you, we enter the next piece of the journey and I fall a little harder. I love that we can really talk now, and I know that the tween years are ahead, and you may feel like talking a little less. Here is what I need you to know: I will never want to listen less. I will always be here for you and that tender heart. I am your biggest fan, now and forever, and we'll keep dancing through this life together.

All my love,

Your Mama