A Little Bit Wiser

Friends, I am in a so much better place this morning. Yesterday, I gave myself permission to take care of my soul. Sure, I did six million loads of laundry, the dishes, reviews, and the errands, but I'm a little bit wiser than I was a few years ago so I did it differently. A younger me would power through to do lists, mindlessly checking things off because I had to finish the list, killing myself in the process. A younger me prioritized based on my perception of other people's priorities.

 

At some point, I shifted, and I think it has a lot to do with this blog. Focusing on the every day has helped me to realize that when I start to have nothing to say here, when I'm posting about drowning, my priorities are jacked up. No other way to say it. If I don't fill myself, if I don't tend my own soul, I have nothing left to give and I'm back to checking off the list--and I don't want to go back there.

 

So, yesterday, I let myself cry in the morning. Just because. Just because I was tired and needed a good cry. Then, I went outside. Someone far wiser once said, "One is closer to God in the garden than anywhere else on earth." I would add one more addendum: One is closer to God in the garden in the rain than anywhere else on earth. Yesterday, there was a gentle rain, almost a mist at times, and I cleaned my flower beds for fall, sprinkling seeds and pruning crazy branches into beautiful trees. I came in sore and so happy, and a little piece of my soul was restored.

 

I picked the kids up and we went to get flu mist, and then we went to Starbucks. I turned off my brain and really listened, listened to them giggle and chatter. No running list. No rush to get to the next thing. Just be.

 

We came home, and I knew balance was restored when I saw this:

Two content children, playing sweetly without bickering. I folded laundry--oh the laundry--as they played. I had so much clean laundry I couldn't fold it in the laundry room and had to cover every flat surface in my kitchen with laundry, but I did it to the music of laughter and chatter. 

That's why I blog. I'm a little bit wiser because I have a barometer that I can reread. It gives me a place to get perspective, and I hope, maybe someday, Issa especially will be able to read this and find a little wisdom...a little grace for herself from herself.