If You Take a Mom to the Optometrist

A la If You Give a Mouse a Cookie:

If you take a mom to the optometrist, she will realize she can't see even with her contacts. The tech will ask her to read line 11, and she will not be able to see until line nine. Mom will know it is going to be a long day.

If the optometrist raises her prescription two steps in each eye, he will insist on dilating her pupils to be sure everything is okay.

If the optometrist dilates her pupils, it means her small children will be at the office nearly two hours, which will cause them to be crazy.

If the children are crazy, Mom will be even more stubborn and insist they follow their predetermined agenda and go grocery shopping. Only once she is there will she will realize she cannot see her list.

If she cannot see her list, Mom will hold the list twelve miles from her face, squint, and try to muddle through.

If she tries to muddle through, she will think she is a champion who just finished the impossible.

If she thinks she is a champion, she will survive an afternoon of two small children (plus or minus some neighbor kids at various times) and still make dinner. She will make tacos to be her son's hero.

If she is feeling particularly smug, she will start the meat. Only after the meat is browned will she start assembling toppings.

When she starts assembling tacos, she will realize she forgot to get cheese at the store, and the only cheese she has is sliced cheese. So she will juliane the cheese slices for tacos.

If she has to juliane cheese, she will make a squinty face, which I am sure strains her eyes.

If she strains her eyes, she will have to go back to the optometrist, and she will know it is going to be a long day.