The Good, The Ugly, and the Terribly Sad

If you are looking for a warm fuzzy post about the kids, you might want to come back tomorrow. It's Evan's birthday; I promise it will be wonderful. Today, though, I need to talk about a dissertation.

As you may recall, my original dissertation blew up. The good news (actually, great news) is that it has now taken a new and far more interesting form. I spent several hours this week rewriting chapter one of the dissertation, and I'm quite pleased with it. The picture above is the visual representation. I know it looks a little ugly and blank. When I showed Brad, he looked at me like perhaps it was time I talk to a professional. It's actually very nuanced and makes perfect sense to me, and it got me writing--a very good thing.

Yesterday, I took chapter one to my participants to see if they agreed with what I was finding. This kind of member checking is so terrifying. There is a real risk they could say no and I am back to square one. Fortunately, they all agreed, and I got the highest compliment a researcher can get: "You really made me see this in a new way. You really get us--better than I did."

Even after all that, I got in the car and cried yesterday. My poor school is so under-resourced. I took colored Expo markers as a thank you yesterday, and two teachers actually got teary. Another teacher showed me her receipt file she keeps for tax purposes; some of the items should just be basic supplies for any teacher. Paper? Really? Teachers talked so openly about anxiety medications and the prayer they need to just get through they day. And yet they come...day after day...year after year...because they consider it their calling, their identity, and their "privilege." I am so humbled by these women.