Thursday, May 28, 2015

More of a Ninja than an Performer

We had  Evan's Ocean Play this morning:

Bless our sweet boy. The cuteness of 60 kindergarteners singing ocean songs cannot be described. Evan, however, was less than enthused. He loved wearing his new shark shirt, but the singing and dancing he could do without. That being said, his whole class "surfing" was just about the cutest thing ever.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Long Weekend Fun

We packed a lot of work into last weekend, but we also managed to pack in a lot of fun.

Friday, the kids and I went to the library, and Issa made her way to the cookbook section. She picked up several, including the Cheerios Cookbook. We were all dubious, but she made her grocery list and then made muffins, parfaits, and pancakes over the course of the weekend--all to rave reviews.

Daddy pitched the tent in the backyard, and the kids camped over night and played in it by day. I love that they love being in the tent, listening to the birds and frogs.

Sunday night, we went to the neighbors for a barbecue. The kids ran and played. The adults talked and took turns watching kids so we could also spend time being adults. Brad even ran home with a neighbor to build a ridiculous "adult" yard game that involved two poles, a frisbee, and trying to knock a beer bottle down. We aren't quite ready to surrender to being fully grown up yet, but we all headed home to tuck in our kids.

Ryan and Felicia came over for dinner Sunday, which consisted of antipasti and us all eating around the island. No fuss.

The weekend was so simple, but it reminded me again how blessed we are to have a village that is so strong and so fun. I can't wait for this summer when we can enjoy it a little more...

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Major Accomplishments

This was a fabulous, super productive weekend around our house. I'll write about the purely fun bits tomorrow, but today we need to feature the work.

We tackled Evan's room Mother's Day weekend, and Issa's room was reserved for Memorial Day weekend. And boy did we tackle it. Three trash sacks and six Goodwill bags later, Issa had purged her room down to the things she loves:

The chalkboard wall is set to get fabulous thanks to Aunt Shannon, but the rest of the room is finished. Issa can get to things so much more easily, and she loves the more "grown up" feel. She only got really frustrated with me once when we were just starting and she didn't see my logic. I only nearly lost it when we moved the bed and found half a bag of junk and most of a library.

In addition to this project, we also tackled our family room. We emptied the coat closet, armoire, and buffet. Everything was purged and then reorganized into a much cleaner looking, more usable space.

We are on a bit of a mission at our house. We are trying to purge down to the things we actually love and use. Everything else must go. We have realized we are entering a new season at our house, one that doesn't require child-proofing or everything being visible for little people. I think it's going to be lovely...

Friday, May 22, 2015


Last night was the end of year banquet for the Company. I love the simplicity of this celebration. People send in pictures from the year for a slide show. The teachers give out a handful of awards. We eat cupcakes. The end. I love watching the pictures. There are plenty of great dance shots, but there are also tons of great friends shots. Girls inevitably hugging and smiling. Some at the studio. Some at prom. Some in someone's kitchen. It captures the family in our Company. These girls are forming friendships that will last. Memories that are better that any trophy or pin.

After the banquet, the kids and I decided to go out for dinner. I had planned leftovers because I knew I wouldn't have time to cook, but these kids are bottomless pits this week and there were no leftovers. We sat at dinner and I had one of those moments when I realized my kids are becoming real people. There is that magical moment when you realize your kids and funny and interesting and you would like to hang out even if you didn't have to. It's really lovely.

I've had so very much to celebrate, which makes the hard moments this week so much easier.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

"Your Absence is Everywhere"

A friend from high school posted, "your absence is everywhere," this week on facebook, and it struck such a deep chord. She, too, lost her dog to cancer within the past month, and she found the words I've been searching for.

This week has been hard. I don't know if it's because it's been a month and I feel like I shouldn't be so sad. I don't know if Brad travelling again makes the silence more apparent. I don't know. But I do know I am missing Viv more acutely in the past week than I did the first week she was gone. I guess the first week I gave myself permission to wallow a bit. Bursting into tears seemed completely normal. Now, it feels harder.

Last night, the silence was just too much after the kids were in bed. Even with the tv on, it was too quiet. I still miss that snore and warm, thick fur at my feet. I am so incredibly grateful Mom pushed us to get Neela last year. When I broke last night, Neela, all 65 pounds of her, jumped into my lap and buried her nose into my neck. She let me sob into her much thinner fur. I truly think she knows. I'm sure she feels it, too.

I think the hole will always be there, but I'm hopeful the grief will ebb a bit. Someday, the silence won't be so deafening.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

One Stripe Away

Last night was a very big night at the dojo! Evan earned his second black stripe on his candy cane belt:
 Earning a belt is very thirsty work:
This is a very important stripe. It means Evan is only one red stripe away from his camo white belt. He is so excited to finish all of his white belts and move on to the next level. It's almost more than he can handle. I'm just glad he still loves being a ninja and his time in the dojo!

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

I'm Not Ready

Oh the tween years are crashing in upon us. Issa was in tears last night because boys basically suck. A few teased her yesterday and it snow balled, and I got hit with an avalanche out of nowhere. I hate seeing her so upset--especially when I can't fix it.

Once she was reassembled, I sent an email to my little third grade village. I don't know what I was looking for, but I do know some moments of motherhood are lonely, and I needed my people. Within minutes, I had my village. They weren't offering fixes, but they were offering support and I've been theres and we'll get through this. And that was all I needed. I needed to feel a little less alone, and I do. And once again I'm so glad for this village. I'm not at all ready for what's ahead, and I wish I could hold on to little for much longer than I have left, but at least I know we're in this together. There will be strong women around both Issa and I, and we will all get through this together.