Happy Dr. Seuss Day!

Evan has been celebrating Dr. Seuss week this week. Each day has had a different theme, all of which have been very low key. Of course, pictures were not allowed.

Today, the whole school was invited to dress up as their favorite character for Dr. Seuss Day. Evan didn't want to be a character and instead went with the red and white theme suggested by the first grade. Issa, however, does not miss an opportunity to dress up, although she did tone it down this year:

She and Melanie decided to be Thing 1 and Thing 2. I made the shirts earlier this week so Issa could deliver Melanie's in time for the big day. They were so excited to look "exactly like identical twins" this morning. Oh, I love these girls.

Mama Fix It

When both kids were little, whenever anything went wrong I would hear, "Mama fix it." It wasn't a question; it was a statement made with great confidence. In their little eyes, I could fix anything.

I hear that less now--if ever. The problems are getting more complex, and they are both learning to fight their own battles, solve their own problems, fix it themselves. It's a good thing.

But...a few days ago Neela ate the eyes and nose off of one of Issa's teddy bears. The rest of the little guy was fine, but it was a sad day in our household. Issa was devastated. (In Neela's defense, he had fallen on the floor and looks a lot like one of her toys.)

Yesterday, I stopped by the craft store and bought a package of eyes and noses. Before Issa got home, I fixed her bear and just set him on the shelf for her to find. Her little face was priceless. And for one more moment, I could fix anything.

Another One in the Books

We have another dance competition in the books! Issa danced beautifully, and we just keep seeing growth every competition this year! Her little team took a first and second overall, and she took a fourth overall for her solo. The studio also got Top Studio for the third year at this competition, which is awesome!

These are the moments that I love, though:

I love watching her warm up and rehearse before she goes on. In these moments, I see how much she has grown.

I also love watching her be with her friends. I love hearing their giggles and watching them hug. I love listening to the squeals when they place, and I love knowing that she will hold on to these memories long after she packs up the trophies and medals.

Budding Thespians

We are very fortunate that the kids' school has a grant to bring artists in residence into each grade! In first grade, the focus is on performance. They do a six week series of classes that teach them the four Ps of performance (Plant your feet, Project, Move with Purpose, and Personality), see a play, and then they present a class performance. This week was the performance, and I'm so glad I was able to go:

Look at that smile. They were demonstrating some of their acting warm-ups. This is also the only semi-decent picture I got.

Here's what I loved: Evan was smiling the whole time. Last year, he looked miserable in his school performances. I have never seen a child gesture with less joy. This year, though, he was having fun. And I sure do love that smile.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Last night, just as we were getting ready to head for bed, Issa got a look of panic on her face: "We have to leave a snack in case the leprechauns come!"

 Evan later added a glass of water with four green straws.

Sure enough,  those ornery critters came overnight:

 Buddy left a very sweet note saying that the leprechauns brought all this sugar (those are rice krispie treats made with Lucky Charms), but he and Walter had brought the kids each a new green shirt and cleaned up the mess. He also asked the kids to be sure Daddy didn't set any traps for them! (Please notice Buddy's green necktie and Walter's bow.)

The leprechauns even ate all the snack:

Please notice that they apparently have green backwash. Poor Evan was no more good over that  one.

Tonight, we will have corn beef and Irish soda bread and celebrate all of the good luck of the Irish we have. After all, our little family started 15 years ago today when Daddy asked me to marry him.

I'm Swearing Off WebMD

I'm swearing off WebMD. I've said it before, but I really mean it this time.

Since January, Issa has had some sick days. She would throw up once and then be fine. It was bizarre. When it first hit, we thought she had the stomach bug that was going around. In February, we thought she was super unlucky. When it came back two weeks ago, I called our doctor and we thought it was a super-fun three month virus that was hanging around and flaring when she got overtired. Every episode had been after a dance competition or slumber party. Since that diagnosis, though, I have the been the bedtime dictator.

When she threw up again yesterday morning, I knew it couldn't be that virus. WebMD convinced me it was either a serious gastric issue or cancer. I called our doctors and insisted they see her yesterday; we were in at 9:15 with a doctor who specializes in adolescents and I'm sure he now thinks I'm crazy. Of course, by the time we got there she looked and felt great. She had thrown up, and I had given her Motrin to help with her general achy feeling, which I attributed to her tiny body throwing up. We had a routine.

He asked about her symptoms, and then asked if she had headaches, which she said she did, which was news to me. Apparently they didn't bother her as much as her stomach so she just didn't tell me. He did some examining and asked a few more questions, and then diagnosed her with migraines. My response, "Oh, thank God." He looked perplexed until I explained our family history. I know migraines. We've got this.

That's also when I realized I already knew her trigger. Nitrates. Just like me. Because you know what you eat at dance competitions and slumber parties: lunch meat sandwiches, pizza, and bacon. All loaded with nitrates.

Issa and I went to too many stores to find B2, which should also help stave off the migraines. And we spent the rest of the day talking about what this means and what's now a very special treat.

This morning, I met with the school nurse to brief her. If Issa starts to get a headache at school, she will give her Motrin. We have plans if she starts to feel lousy there. And she let me cry when she said Issa was now officially on her caseload.

I hate that my baby has to be on a nurse's caseload. But I am so overwhelmingly grateful that if we have to be on a caseload it's just for migraines. We've got this.

Spring!

We are fully into spring! My hyacinths are blooming, and the kids have worn shorts to school the past two days. The windows are opening, and I listened to birds outside the bedroom window this morning. It was lovely.

My favorite moment yesterday, though, was homework time. The day was too nice to stay inside, so the kids and I headed out front to do homework. Evan and I sat on the porch, and Issa actually did her reading perched up in the tree. Pure loveliness.

Zoo Days

It's spring break on campus, which means my schedule is wonky. I'm definitely still working, but my days are filled with student teacher observations and data analysis on my couch. All that said, the disruption in the routine has meant the blog has been ignored. This is especially sad because we had a great weekend!

For the first time in ages and the foreseeable future, we had no plans. Saturday, Brad and I totally surprised the kids and too them to see Zootopia.  It really was a cute movie! We came home and had the first burgers and corn on the grill for this season. It was lovely.

Sunday, we decided to continue the theme and went to the zoo:

 We've never gone this early in the season, but the weather was perfect. It was in the upper 50s with beautiful sunshine. The animals seemed to love this weather, and we had the best timing at every exhibit. Our first stop was the polar bears:

 A new bear just joined the zoo, and we were able to see the two bears play together. All of the bears were very active!

Issa also stole my phone to become photographer since the animals were feeling cooperative. The bison was maybe eight feet away from us:

 And we watched one of the adult gorillas teach a little guy how to dig up bugs:

It was a perfect day!

Thank Goodness for Big Kids

Yesterday poor Issa was home sick. She seems to be fighting a virus that is just hanging in and rears it's ugly head when she gets over-tired. According to our doctor, we could have one more month of this. Lovely.

This morning, Issa came in while  I was still sleeping and said, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is I feel great and can go to school. The bad news is your alarm didn't go off and it's 6:20."

Yes. That is good and bad news. Thankfully, I have big kids.

I jumped in the shower, and they both hopped out of bed and jumped into action. Issa made breakfast: cereal and chai tea.We made it to school on time and happy--even with field trip lunches packed.

Throwback Thursday

Here's a little throwback to last Thursday:

 It was career day at school!

Issa went for the second year in a row as an event planner:

Until Tuesday, Evan was refusing to dress up because he didn't know what he wanted to be when he grew up--totally fair. At dinner, he was saying he was torn between scientist and police officer. When I explained forensic scientist, he was thrilled:

I truly cannot wait to see what these little people grow up to be!

Moments of Magic

This week, I finally packed up all of the snowmen. They have been banished until next year; I think we are all ready for spring. 

With the snowmen safely packed away, I let the bunnies out of the attic and into the house. We now have bright baskets, eggs, and bunnies everywhere. I finished while the kids were showering and doing the nightly getting ready ritual. Then I stood back and watched magic.

The kids started exploring the treasures in their Easter bags, remembering which year the Bunny brought each toy. They came downstairs and loved on stuffed rabbits and talked about hiding eggs for practice rounds. For a few moments, they were little and there was magic everywhere.

It seems like the kids are growing so quickly. Everyday they look less little. I'm seeing the man and woman they will be more and more. I'm so proud, but I'm also grateful for those moments of magic.

This morning, we had a roller coaster. Evan woke up to discover he had two new fish in his tank. These are the most prolific fish we have ever had. It's crazy.

Two minutes later, Issa discovered Neela had chewed the nose off one of her bears. Not good. I can fix it, but she was devastated and so angry with the poor dog.

Then the kids came downstairs to discover Buddy made a visit:

Magic. Here's to many more moments of magic on this roller coaster.

Cozy

I have started making time to read at night again. I used to push through the to do list, the book would sit on the nightstand--a cruel joke. Life is too short.

Whatever isn't finished by 9:30 can wait. My days start at 5:30; my days now end at 10:30. At 9:30, I snuggle in with my book. It's cozy. Frosty and Neela like this new development:

I'm learning. Finally. To take care of myself. To seek joy. To recharge. When I do, everything else seems to fall into place.

Thunderstruck

We spent all day Saturday--like left the house at 6:30 am and returned at 11:30 pm--at the Thunderstruck Dance Competition in Greensboro. It made for a very long day, but it was also a great day! 

As we were settling in to the changing room, Mrs. Lauren handed Issa this:

 I love that her teachers took the time to make a card for the dancers! Issa was thrilled. She danced all morning with great results! Jazz and tap took Lightning Gold (the highest award), and jazz actually won best dance for their age group! Lyrical and her solo took high gold. This was the first time she competed this solo, and she did so well! It was the best I've ever seen her dance anything on stage, and she nailed her double!

We had a nice break in the early afternoon, so we went to lunch a nearby pub:

 The best prop dad and brother were along for the morning, too:

 After lunch, the boys headed home for a break and we girls watched our team dance. The boys made it back to do props and see production, which also took Lightning Gold! And...our studio took Top Studio:

I couldn't be more proud of these girls. They left it all on the stage and were so supportive of each other. I can't wait to see what the rest of the season holds for them...

Two Piece of My Heart

Yesterday, I was very much reminded that there are two very large portions of my heart that walk around outside of my body.

If there is anything that is predictable in North Carolina, it is the unpredictability of the weather. They had been saying all week that yesterday could hold some strong thunderstorms and tornadoes. I had been watching. I went in to work, but by 11 I realized I had no more meetings and I could take my work home. The rain was coming down pretty hard, and some schools were beginning to release early because the stronger storms were coming.

By the time I crossed into our county, the sun was shining. I went home and set up my laptop in front of the tv so I could keep an eye on the weather. All the weathermen were assuring me that our county was not in for the major stuff. The kids' school day progressed normally. They were saying we should have one strong burst around 3:30, and then it would be over. No big deal.

I got the kids off the bus at 3:15, and the sky was pretty ominous. We went home, got ready for dance and ninjitsu, and started on homework. Right on cue, the skies opened up at 3:25. Shortly thereafter, the emergency siren howled on my phone. I turned the tv back on, and sure enough we were right in the center of a tornado warning.

I am so grateful we deep purged the house! The kids, Neela, and I easily climbed into our closet under the stairs. I was so proud of my kids. They were so calm, gathering Baboo and Booboo. We read books by flashlight, and my 3:50, the all clear sounded. Our ditches were flooded, but the sun was out. Birds were singing. We went on with our day.

I dropped Issa off at the studio, and Evan and I headed to the dojo. When we were five minutes away from the dojo, the siren went off again on my phone. It was pure grace that got me the rest of the way to the dojo. My head knew it was the safest option, but my heart wanted to race back to my girl.

We walked into the dojo, and I assured Evan of all the places we could be in a potentially bad moment, this was the place to be. I had trained survivalists and retired Marines around me! Mr. Justin read my face, and asked if I was okay. I told him Issa was at the studio. I finally cracked, though, when he put his hand on my shoulder, "I'm not going to let you leave. But, if something happens, as soon as it's over I'll get you to her." I know he would have, too.

We hunkered down at the dojo, and let me tell you, Mr. Bryan, Mr. Griffin, and Mr. Justin are a team. As we were heading into the hall, we saw the funnel cloud--thankfully Evan didn't. It appeared to be moving away, but Griffin stayed out to watch it. If it turned, the plan was for the three of them to grab the thick crash pads and form an extra wall around us. 

As we were sitting on the floor, telling the kids there was nothing to worry about--also known as lying through our teeth--I was texting people I knew at the studio to check on Issa. The weather was much better there, and this may be my new favorite picture:

I will never be able to thank Paula enough. Knowing all was well and she was safe was all that held me together.

Within five minutes, the storm passed and we were in the clear again. The sun came out. It was a beautiful evening.

God and I spent a lot of time talking yesterday. Prayers for safety. Prayers of gratitude. Prayers for these two pieces of my heart that walk outside of my body.

The Long Game

My career is a long game approach to social justice and education reform. I believe in the power of education--beyond the trope--and I believe in the need for excellent public schools. I believe in equity. Every stage of my career has been a move towards reaching these ends. And now, I feel like I have finally found a space that has the potential for the most impact: teacher education. 

However, it is the long game. I believe excellent, empowered teachers are the true secret to reaching these goals. I believe that teacher leadership can turn the Titanic. But I get them as babies. I plant a lot of seeds. I nurture once they leave. I occasionally do a little pushing for them to step up. Speak out. But it's a long game.

But then moments like this happen:

I spend as much time in schools working with students as I can. First, it keeps me current and empathetic when I'm working with teachers. I understand the demands of the new assessments and lesson planning because I just spent way too much time trying to design a game to help accelerate a student. I remember the daily pull between curriculum and children. I learn so much from being in real classrooms, and it keeps my passion alive.

Yesterday, I was working with a reading group, and we were struggling our way through a text. But we did it--mostly. When our time was up, one of my little sprites ran to her backpack because she wanted to give me something. Then she put that little ladybug on my hand because I was a great reading teacher. Her little face was just beaming. It truly made my day.

You see, when you're playing the long game, it sure it nice to get a sticker every once in a while.

May I introduce Persephone?

Issa's class has been studying Greek mythology, and yesterday was the culminating project. They got to choose a character from a myth and dress up. Issa chose Persephone:

The toga piece was easy! She also knew she needed one ribbon (since one was lost when she was kidnapped) and flowers in her hair since she was Demeter's daughter. (As a side note, she let me French braid her hair to tie the ribbon and flowers in; it was lovely and I wish she would let me do it more!) She also knew she needed a pomegranate since Persephone ate the seeds in Hades that trapped her there in fall and winter. Alas, pomegranates aren't really prevalent in February, so she had to settle for a cup of seeds.

She had so much fun! I think the highlight of her day was being captured in a bear hug upon arrival by her teacher, who was dressed as Hades. I love that she is in a classroom where there is still a sense of fun amidst the learning, and I sure do love this girl.

Goodbye, Sweet Friend...

Friday night, we had to say goodbye to Nuzzle...

Last summer, she started losing weight very quickly, which we knew was not a good sign. Our vet diagnosed her with the early stages of kidney failure. While there are extreme measures that might have given her a few more months, they would have greatly decreased her quality of life. We made the decision at that time to just give her the best quality of life for as long as we could; the vet estimated six months and gave us key signs to watch for that would tell us the end was coming.

The past few weeks she has been drinking more, and her fur had become pretty dry, which we knew was not good. We also found her lying in odd positions. But Friday night, she made it clear it was time. When Brad walked into our bathroom, her favorite place, she tried to urinate in front of him, but it was only a trace and bloody. I knew by the way he called for me it was not good. While he was on the phone with the emergency vet, she did the same to me. When I picked her up, I knew she was in pain. It was time.

We were all able to give her lots of love and snuggles, and then Brad took her to the vet. She was at peace in the end, and we know with absolute certainty it was the right thing to do.

I also know I am devastated. Without a doubt, Nuzzle was my cat. She came into our lives Brad and I's first Christmas together. When we picked her up at the shelter, she nuzzled right into our arms and I knew she was ours. Nuzzle was so sick when we adopted her. The first time I went to bring her home she was too sick to come, and I cried and Brad left me little notes all over the apartment the next day because he knew I would be so sad to come home to an apartment without her. When she finally did come home, she was on medicine and wouldn't eat. We warmed milk and turkey baby food to help her gain strength.

Soon, she was well and so snugly. Sleeping on the bed wasn't enough. She would crawl under the covers and up my shirt to sleep. When she got bigger, she would sleep curled around my head. She would still nuzzle into our arms when we picked her up. Even Friday, she nuzzled in.

I miss her. Being in our bathroom is painful. I keep looking to the ledge, expecting to see her lying there, paw out, begging for attention. I keep listening for her insistent meow while I'm washing my face.

Even though we knew this was coming, it's just hard. She will always be my baby, and she definitely took a piece of me with her. But I wouldn't change a thing...

Just Breathe

So, I mentioned Brad and I are doing a 30 day yoga challenge. Last night, we completed day 20, and I am thrilled to say I haven't missed a single day.

Yesterday, though, was different. It was not a stellar day at the office, and Thursdays are my long days. By the time I got home, I was not in a great place. We tucked the kids into bed, and then Brad and I settled in for our practice.

About halfway through, I realized I tangibly felt different. There really is something powerful about syncing breath and movement. Sending oxygen into your body. Finding stillness. Over the past 20 days I have found myself getting stronger and more flexible, but I have also found myself becoming more mindful and breathing more deeply. It's a good thing.

Just breathe.

A New Level

So this happened last night:

It may be a little hard to tell from this picture, but Mr. Justin is teaching Evan how to be thrown. Right before this, Evan threw Mr. Justin.

The dojo has been doing more work with the camo belts, separating them from the white belts to do more advanced skills. Last night, for the first time they got to try their hands at throwing and being thrown.

I'm not gonna lie. It was a little tough to watch at first. But...I trust Mr. Justin implicitly, and it was really cool to watch him teach this skill. And to see Evan's face when he stood up. Well. That look of pure joy made every bit of nerves worth it.

And The Season Begins...

Issa and I spent this past weekend in Greenville, South Carolina for the first dance convention and competition of the season! I love this girls' weekend. I love being able to give her all of my attention; I don't think I said 20 words the entire way down. I love listening to her talk and hearing her thoughts. I also love that I can relax on the drive. This is our third trip to this convention, so we know it and the hotel so well. Friday night, we arrived in time to order our traditional room service before we went down to support our team's soloists.

Saturday morning, we were up bright and early! We ate the breakfast we had packed in, and then Issa set off for her morning of dance classes:

 She still wants me to stay and watch, and I will gladly watch as long as she will have me! It has been so wonderful to watch her become more confident and be able to pick up so much more of the choreography.

After lunch, we made a quick change into competition Issa:

 I can't believe how grown up she looked! Her team competed well:

Each dance received four out of five stars, and she was really proud of how far they had come since Showcase! We all were!

After she finished competing, we had dinner with one of her teammates before supporting our older girls. By the time we found our beds, we were both exhausted...

And then we got up Sunday morning to do it all again! She only had classes, but she danced her little feet off. I just keep thinking back to our first year, when she would look at me like she terrified, and she was so lost. It's only been three years, and she has grown so much!

By the time we were headed home, it was beginning to snow! And that was the greatest gift. The roads weren't bad, but it meant we had a snow day on Monday! It was so nice to have a day to rest and unpack before the week started--especially since it's a crazy one at work!