Monday, February 24, 2014

To My Dancer


Some times, I find that there is so much that I want to say to you, but I know your seven year old self just isn't quite ready to hear it yet. Although I sometimes think you are such an old soul, you are still so very young, and I don't want to overwhelm you. But...I do want to say it, so I write it. And I hope against hope that in the teen years when we are at each others' throats (I'm a realist), maybe, just maybe, you will stumble upon one of these letters and be reminded that I love you more than life itself, and I am so, so grateful I am your mama. And so....

We just spent an incredible weekend at the West Coast dance convention. We ordered room service, E600ed some faulty iron-ons onto a bag you were designing, and I watched you dance for 48 hours. We laughed--really laughed. One of my favorite moments was lying in the dark, each exhausted and snuggling in our beds, and listening to you giggle and giggling right with you. There, in that moment, I felt Grace. Even though we had struggled with eye liner and glared at each other about hair, there was Grace. In that moment, I knew 110% that you knew you were loved. And that, my sweet girl, is what I want for you.

This dance world you are in, this world you so belong in and shine in, can be cruel. You are constantly measured and compared. It would be easy to feel like you are not enough. But baby girl, you are enough. You will always be a enough just by being you.

At one point, one of your master teachers this weekend said your parents wouldn't always be there to cheer you on. It was the only time all weekend I wanted to say something in class. Issa, I will always, always be there to cheer you on. There will be a day, I pray a long, long time from now, that I won't be in a seat, but know that I will be with you. Always. I am trying to put a piece of me that is so big into your heart that you will always, always feel it. When you fall on your butt on stage, whatever stage that may be, know that I will be the one cheering because you tried hard enough that you fell. When the world jumps to their feet applauding you, I will be leading the ovation. And if you ever, ever start to feel as though you are not enough, I will be there to shake you and tell you that you are absolutely enough, and I couldn't be more proud of you.

All my love,

Your dance mom

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